Let there be space ...
In "Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran, Almustafa says Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and between you dance to the winds of heaven.
Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
If your being together is not the result of lust, your love will go deeper and deeper with the passage of time. Lust flattens everything, since biology does not care that you stay together or not. His only interest is reproduction, for which love is not necessary: \u200b\u200byou can continue to produce children without love.
I looked all sorts of animals. I lived in the forests, mountains, and I've always been perplexed when the animals make love always seem very sad.
I've never seen one animal to make love with joy, it seems that some unknown force requires them to do so. It is not the result of their choice, not their freedom but their slavery. This makes them sad.
I have seen the same thing in humans. Have you ever seen a husband and wife in the street? Maybe you do not know if two people are husband and wife, but if both have a sad face can be some who are married!
When traveling by train from Delhi to Srinagar and in my compartment was just another empty seat. He arrived a couple of young people: a man and a woman beautiful. Since both could not sit in the only empty seat, he went into another compartment. But at each station is presented with sweets, fruit, flowers.
I watched that show ... I'm not just a mere observer ... at one point I asked the woman what they were married, and she said: "For about seven years."
I said, "Do not lie! You can not fool anyone but me ... you are not married. "
was shocked. A stranger, with whom he had never spoken ... that it only had to look at, and I wondered how I had understood.
I said: "It is a great discovery, it is something basic. If it were your husband, you'd be lucky if, once gone, reappear at the station of arrival. "
He said: "I do not know, nor do I know you. But what you say is true. He's my lover, a friend of my husband. "
commented: "In this case everything is clear."
What goes wrong between husbands and wives, even after a marriage of love? The fact is that this is not love, and all have accepted it, as if they knew what love is: it is pure and simple lust. Soon you'll be tired of each other. Biology has deceived you to fulfill their biological program, aimed at procreation, and in a matter of not finding anything new: the same face, the same geography, the same topography. How many times have you explored? Because of the marriage the whole world lives in sorrow, yet all are still unaware of the case.
Love is one of the most mysterious phenomena that exist. And it is love that Almustafa are talking about: if it is not lust you can not get bored.
Almustafa says Let there be spaces in your togetherness.
're together, but do not try to dominate you, do not try to have them and not destroy the individuality of others.
Unfortunately, it is what is done everywhere. Why should a woman take the man's name? It has its own name, has its own individuality. Think of a man who takes the name of the woman no man will ever do.
Why she should go home to live with man? Why should not he be the man to live in the house of the woman?
Sometimes it happens that a man marries a condition to go home to live with his wife, because her parents are elderly and have no other children to take care of them. But have you noticed? When a man goes to live in the house of his wife, is blamed by all. Is mocked, as if he had lost his manhood ... while no one laughs at the woman.
My advice is this: when a man and a woman decide to live together, each should have his own house. No one should go to the house of the other, because the very moment someone goes home to someone else inevitably becomes a slave, and slaves can not be happy. They have lost their integrity, their individuality. They sold themselves.
If you live together, that there is room left ... if the husband comes home late, no need for the wife questioned him about where he was, sul perché è in ritardo. Egli ha diritto alla propria libertà, è un individuo libero. Siete due individui che vivono insieme e nessuno invade lo spazio dell’altro. Se la moglie torna tardi, non è necessario chiederle dove è stata. Chi sei per farlo? Lei ha la propria libertà, il proprio spazio.
Purtroppo questo accade ogni giorno, in tutte le case: la gente litiga per inezie, ma in profondità l’elemento della discordia è che nessuno è pronto a lasciare che l’altro abbia il proprio spazio, la propria libertà.
Le cose che piacciono possono essere diverse. A tuo marito può piacere qualcosa, a te qualcos’altro. Questo non vuol dire che dobbiate iniziare a litigare perché, as a husband and wife should have the same preferences.
And then, all these questions ... every husband, when he returned home, ruminating in his mind the same questions: "What do I ask? How to respond? ". And she already knows what to ask and what her husband will answer, and he knows all those answers are false, fabricated. The husband is cheating ...
What love is this: always suspicious, always afraid, victim of some jealousy? If your wife sees you with another woman - even if you're just laughing and talking - is enough to fight all night. And you regret your choice: this is too ... just for a little rice 'with someone else! And if the husband sees his wife with another man and she is more happy, more happy, it is sufficient to create unrest, turmoil in his soul.
People are unaware that absolutely does not know what love is. Love does not suspect anything, it is never jealous. Love never interferes in the freedom of others. Love does not require anything other. Love gives freedom, and freedom can only exist if there is space in being together.
That's the beauty of Kahlil Gibran ... intuition is important. In love, you should be happy to see that his woman is happy with someone else, because Love wants his woman is happy, the love that her husband wants to be happy, so if you are talking with another woman and is happy, the wife should be happy, there is no need to raise discussion.
Two people are together to make their lives happier, rather the opposite happens. It seems that all the wives and husbands are all together to make each other miserable, ruining each other for life. The reason is this: they do not understand even the meaning of love.
Let there be spaces in your togetherness ... is not a contradiction. The more space you give each other, the more you are together. More freedom you allow yourself, you will be more closely united. And you will not be enemies close, but close friends!
of you dance to And let the winds of heaven. This is a basic law of existence: being too much together, leaving no room for freedom, it destroys the flower of love. It is crushed, no one leaves the room to grow.
For years, scientists have discovered that animals have a territory, mark their living space. You've seen dogs that pee on the poles, do you think is useless? Not at all: they are drawing the borders: "This is my territory." The smell of urine will prevent all the other dogs to enter in that space: as long as other dogs are just a step away, ignored, if they exceed those limits immediately break out of the fray.
All wild animals do the same thing. Even a lion does not get you anything, if not exceed the boundaries of its territory and considers you a gentleman! If, however, enter into his kingdom, no matter who you are, you will be killed.
We still have not found the same requirement of living space in the human esserei: surely you shall have received, but has not yet been established on a scientific basis. If you use a local train to go to Bombay, you'll find it so crowded ... the people are all standing, few are able to find a place to sit. But look people che stanno in piedi: anche se sono strette le une alle altre, fanno di tutto per non toccarsi.
Man mano che il mondo sarà sempre più sovrappopolato, aumenterà la gente che impazzisce, che si suicida, che compie omicidi, per il semplice motivo che non trova un proprio spazio vitale.
Gli amanti, quanto meno, dovrebbero essere abbastanza sensibili: la moglie ha bisogno del proprio spazio e così il marito.
Uno dei libri che amo di più è una delle ultime opere poetiche di Rabindranath Tagore, “Akhari Kavita” (“L’ultimo poema”). Non si tratta di una raccolta di poesie, ma di un racconto, sebbene strano, estremamente profondo e ricco di intuizioni.
Una giovane donna and a man fell in love and, as always happens, just wanted to get married. The woman put only one condition ... was highly educated, very sophisticated, very rich. And the man said, "I accept whatever your condition, but I can not live without you."
She replied: "First of all listen to my condition, then think about it. It is not a condition any ... we do not live in the house. I own a great property and a beautiful lake surrounded by trees, gardens and meadows: I'll build a house on the other side, just opposite to where I live. "
Man comment: "But so what is the point to get married."
She explained: "Getting married does not mean destroying each other. I give you your space, and I keep mine. Once in a while, walking in the garden we could meet. Once in a while, as we go boating on the lake, we can meet ... by chance! Or sometimes I'll invite you to take tea with me, or you can invite me. "
The man said: "This idea is simply absurd."
To which she concluded: "So forget the wedding. This is the only right idea, just so our love will continue to grow, because we will always remain fresh and new one in the eyes of the other, we do not presume ... I will preserve the right to refuse your invitation, and you still have the freedom to refuse to mine in any way our freedoms are eroded. And between these two freedoms grows the wonderful phenomenon of love. "
Obviously the man could not understand and gave up the idea of \u200b\u200bgetting married in that state.
But Rabindranath reveals the same intuition Kahlil Gibran ... and they wrote virtually the same period.
If this is possible - if you can have space and privacy at the same time - then you will dance between the winds of heaven .
Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Love should be a gift given and taken freely, but there should be no pretense. Otherwise, soon you'll be together and yet distant and remote as the stars. Nothing will bring you closer understanding
more: you have not left enough space to build a bridge that connects you.
rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls ... make not a static thing, make not a routine rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
If you can have both freedom and love, you will not need more than another. You got everything, everything that you live there will have been given.
- from "With you and without you" of Osho -
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